Words, Ideas, Stuff
Some ideas and thoughts, captured with the view to help you.
Words, Ideas, Stuff
Some ideas and thoughts, captured with the view to help you.
Anyone else break into a cold sweat at the thought of walking into a room of strangers knowing you just might have to force an intro and mingle? Odds are some of you will break into a sweat and others will be smiling ear to ear and will thrive in that environment.
Most likely, it’s a situation we’re all going to have to navigate. It’s up to us to choose how we show up and how we answer the inevitable “What do you do?” question. Once we’ve uttered something, we’ll also likely return the serve. Anticipating this and knowing
What about day one of the new job? Terror or titillation?
It’s natural to put a tad too much emphasis on what the ‘right’ thing to do is in these environments. Where its new and we’re wanting to make a good impression. It’s risky and an unknown, and we can tie ourselves up in knots in advance playing out scenarios, yet, we can prepare in a different way, one that will keep our autonomic nervous system under control. Because there is no ‘right’ way. There might be an outcome you’d love to achieve, a perception you’d like to create, a connection you want to make – great to have intentions, and you’re prepped ready to do. Let’s chat a bit about what that can look like.
“What you do will never define you for long.
There’s so much to unpack in Abby’s quote. The clear message is gold - our character, not our ‘title’, is what’s important.
It also is a wonderful prompt for us to consider how we answer that “what do you do” question.
We don’t have to answer with our title – be that student, Professor, parent, dancer, artist or founder. Of course we can, especially if it’s something we love to chat about. If we’re keen to connect on that topic, we can do so by giving a little insight into what it is that we enjoy about our work or what makes our approach a little different. That allows the person we’re connecting with some grounds to develop the conversation too or find points for deeper connection.
“I work as a personal trainer” compared with “I help people achieve their amateur athletic goals”
“I’m learning to code Ruby on Rails” “I’m designing software that X and Y” or “I was inspired by Z so now I’m learning to code so I can …”
This reminds me of a lovely lady I met at the Hi Tech Awards Event in Auckland in 2021. We did chat about work, I did ask her that question and she said ‘I’m just in sales” … luckily we had a laugh when I realised I had fallen into the easy trap of asking that question, but also chatted about how that word ‘just’ is dangerous.
We talked about both of those points, and why in New Zealand we see sales as ‘less than’ and in many company structures, sales teams aren’t celebrated and we’ve somehow bought into the stereotype that sales people are untrustworthy. This is an area I do have a lot to say on, but this probably isn’t the right chapter or even the right forum!
Let’s just say that yes, it’s an unregulated space, not all sales people are the same, some sales professionals are awesome at what they do, bring professionalism and expertise, and genuinely focus on ensuring patients or customers receive the value they expect. It’s important to remember too that without sales professionals, many organisations won’t succeed as without delivering services or exchanging value for goods, many organisations don’t have income, and it’s near impossible to stay afloat without that!
An article on The Muse reminds us that the “what do you do?” question is actually a shortcut to deciding who someone is, and we all make sweeping assumptions from the response. Their article gives these examples:
“You Say: I’m in sales.
They Think: You’re a pushy, sweet-talking charmer.
You Say: I’m a lawyer.
They Think: You’re the argumentative type.
You Say: I’m an accountant.
They Think: You’re a numbers geek.”
Back to the Hi Tech Awards and meeting Melisa. She is a really articulate, dynamic, capable and successful salesperson for an AI startup. The more we talked, the clearer it was that she was passionate about doing the right thing by her customers, them having awesome experiences, and her venture’s savvy technology. So we talked about all of that. We really clicked and even shared an Uber after the event.
Imagine if we hadn’t stayed in that chat – we would have missed that chance to connect with an inspiring woman doing cool shit, and I know I got a lot from meeting her.
I’ve also just checked her LinkedIn bio some nine months later, and it’s such a goodie.
Melisa’s intro is how we can choose to introduce ourselves digitally or in person – it’s so engaging, and there’s a fair few things in here for others to connect in with. Most importantly, it’s authentic. This is who Melisa is.
“What makes me unique is my obsession with doing things well. Mastery is about not sacrificing everything to get to the finish line, it’s how we get there.
I’m a proud sales professional who has a personal interest and curiosity in using data, innovation and technology well, both in our personal and professional lives”
We can choose to offer up a work or career related response, but we don’t have to. We can answer however we choose. Maybe answer with the thing you’re passionate about right now? Things like …
If you want to chat about work, do that, if you want to share something else, just know it’s okay to do that instead. Often when we’re asking someone “What do you do?” it’s less about seeing if there’s a chance to do business, and more about finding some common ground. Same with the “where are you from?” one too.
This one needs a little chat too – it’s a question that can seem insensitive in some contexts, especially now we live in a gloriously multi-cultural society, so a word of wisdom from one experience I had. A few years ago I did a lot of volunteering for the Christchurch Women’s Refuge (now Aviva) and worked for them one weekend on a promo stand at an event. This was alongside other volunteers, and one lady I worked with was warm, upbeat, engaging and super fun – we chatted effortlessly between engaging with people at the stand, and at the end of the day she thanked me for not asking where she was ‘from’, as to her, that felt like she was not ‘from here’ and impacted her sense of belonging.
Now I’d love to claim this as a conscious choice not to ask, but from memory, it was perhaps more that there were so many more interesting things to ask her as she was a vivacious and accomplished lady. It has always stuck with me how a question, even one asked with the best intentions from our own perspective, can unintentionally alienate someone or remind them of their ‘Otherness”.
“The creation of otherness (also called ‘othering’) consists of applying a principle that allows individuals to be classified into two hierarchical groups: them and us.”
So without meaning to, a simple question can actually push someone further away from you when during dialogue you’re actually seeking to form a connection, or at least pass the time in a pleasant way. Not saying this question is to be avoided, just be mindful when you ask it and what your motive for doing so is.
The hot tip before you roll into the room:
“Clothes maketh the (hu)man”
This is an olde worlde quote that’s referenced as originating somewhere in 1400s, also attributed to Shakespeare and Mark Twain. Either way, it’s worth pondering as to how much importance this has in today’s world where some careers are virtual, some we shape as we design new teams and ventures, and as we have a blend of cultures in many spaces.
It seems there are no hard and fast rules as to what clothing is ‘right’, the best advice we have is where what you feel good in, and that is appropriate for the nature of the work you need to do - the old steel caps on a mine site is a classic no brainer, but outside the obvious health and safety requirements
When it comes to interviews or the likes, it can be nerve wracking. If you’re ever unsure, it’s okay to ask the recruiter or person you’re meeting with what the expectation is or what the organisational culture is. If all else fails, wear what YOU feel great in!
It does matter. Like it or not, as humans we’re curious and critical critters. First impressions are really important – first impressions are often lasting ones too so if you get it right, you can enjoy the benefits of the "halo effect." In other words, if you're viewed positively within those critical 4 minutes, the person you've just met will likely assume that everything you do is positive. The same is true of the reverse.
Within a mere 10 seconds, that person will begin to make judgments about our sense of professionalism, social class, morals, and intelligence. People focus first on what they see (dress, appearance, eye contact, movement). Next, they focus on what they hear (rate of speech, tone and volume, articulation). Finally, they focus on the actual words.
We’re not saying it’s good, or how it should be, it’s just how humans are wired. So it's a relevant reminder for any of us in the hiring seat to challenge ourselves to see beyond this, and when we’re in the hot seat, show up with your best attitude, prep and know that the packaging will be assessed too, so choice it, make it intentional and kick ass!
All the tools in the world won’t help make a great decision if you’re feeling bloody awful. There’s a time when, counter to a well-known quote by Teddy Roosevelt, making no decision is a good call. If you’re worn down, wrung out, can’t see the wood for the trees or the light at the end of the tunnel or any lights or woods or other such metaphorical symbol for hope or perspective, then that’s the time to delay if you can. Delay until you’ve got the bandwidth to make the call.
Feeling flat or overwhelmed will really impact what we believe is possible for us, yet when we’ve got space - clear thinking space and the headspace for it, quieting the internal chatter, the critic and the ‘shoulds’, and focusing on what we truly want and the best possible outcome that could happen, are important factors.
If we’re talking about optimal decision-making, the list is a little like this:
While we’re in the short week between Labour Day and the next weekend, here’s a short post on goal setting. This quote was saved in Melissa’s phone and stuck on her office wall about 11 years ago, and while walking Tirohanga Track this morning, it kept bouncing around her mind. It's prompted a few thoughts to flow on how to capture those grand plans!
Future Mewww.futureme.org/ is also a hark back to a tool Melissa discovered when living in Sydney years ago, and it’s as powerful now as it was then. You can write a note now, to be delivered to future you, and then choose the date and time it will be delivered. Add in the details for the goal you’re aiming for and be sure to include some ‘atta girl’ vibes in there too!
Google has their ‘One Simple Thing’ tool, and a back story for how it works and why:
Just get that clarity and write it down! Read here for how and why but trust us, there’s power in doing that one thing. Do it!
While writing a blog for Holdmine, this image really resonated and thought it would be relevant for Careering too.
Each dot reflects one month of life, and is mapped for a long 90 year lifespan. That means three rows on this is nine years.
Nine years seems so little when viewed on a chart like this. Yet when you think of all the change that can happen in nine years, it’s incredible. It’s October 2021 now, can you remember where you were in October 2012?
Facebook and Apple photo memories can help jog us to recall, but unless there was a milestone event then, most of us will struggle to recall the exact details of life in October 2012.
Can you pinpoint what you were excited about? Who made you smile? What worries you had bouncing around? What you hoped to achieve? What you dreamed of? Maybe, but also maybe not.
There’s a few things that stand out when pondering all of this …
The first is very topical with it being Mental Health Awareness week – our worries seem so significant in the moment. They can be all consuming, thanks to our brains being certainty seeking, negatively biased machines. We try to predict ‘what’s next’, see the warnings and stay safe in the moment. That’s the key isn’t it? To be in the moment. There’s some amazing resources on how to manage worry, anxiety and how to stay present, an area we are not qualified to comment on other than to direct you to a good Google search and a tonne of encouragement to value yourself and your wellbeing, and put the effort in.
In addition, the point here is that it’s unlikely any of us in 2012 expected that in 2021 we’d be experience life here in Aotearoa where lockdown levels, bubbles and borders were part of the vocab. It has created a massive shift in our sense of ‘what’s possible’ and also, naturally increased our level of fear and uncertainty. Many things that lifted us up are not available right now. Right now is one dot within one of the dots on this image. It’s one moment, in one hour, in one day, within one of those dots. So much can change.
Time heals. It really does. Whether the hurt is from a scathing performance review last year, a loss of a loved one, moving out of home and missing your beloved pet, or a breakup, the only thing that ‘heals’ is time. Not ‘heal’ return to how it was as if it never happened, it’s normal that hurts heal and take a new form, you’re not the same, you’ll live with what hurts and do things differently, hopefully for the better next time. Learn the lessons, take the photos, say the goodbyes, make the apologies, go home next weekend for doggo cuddles – whatever you need to do to embrace the version of you that now exists as a result of that situation, and trust you’re stronger each day.
It’s okay to change your goals and direction. Imagine if you started off part way through the sixth row, say age 16, and announced you’re going to be an accountant, that leads to a gap year and a couple of years at Uni. And then when you’re 23, you realise you’re insanely talented and passionate about environmentally friendly waste water treatment and kick off a training plan to pioneer new technology in that space. Look how many dots still lay ahead for you. If you stay on the accounting path, those dots will be filled with different experiences than if you back yourself to go hard for something you love. Whether you chose to do both, neither or just one of these isn’t the point – the point is there a lot of dots to follow, a lot of moments where you get to decide how you fill them. Decisions about career seem permanent but they not. It’s okay to do a couple of years in one field and move to another, and another, or stay in one and love it. Just know, you can change your mind, change your direction and succeed if you choose to.
It’s super important to reflect and celebrate how far you’ve come and what you have achieved. When we’re ticking off the goals and colouring in these dots, it’s natural to wonder what’s ahead. As Kiwi’s, we’re shockers at truly celebrating the wins. Not just the big first place, goal completed ones, but the almosts, the ‘learned a lot’, the ‘man I am happy’ moments. Taking stock and being grateful for all the good stuff helps you feel good now, and into the future. Those genuine moments of gratitude, and self appreciation add a lot of value to your life. Also, you gotta show up as your biggest cheerleader, only you know how you’ve had to grind to get where you are so high five yourself whenever you can! A Harvard health article says “In positive psychology research, gratitude is strongly and consistently associated with greater happiness. Gratitude helps people feel more positive emotions, relish good experiences, improve their health, deal with adversity, and build strong relationships.”
We’ve looked back, we’ve been in the moment and celebrated, now we’re crystal ball gazing. If you’re to tick off three more rows, that’s nine more years. Imagine it’s nine years from now – October 2030. How are you investing your time? How does your day start? What leaves you fulfilled when you head to bed? What kind of person are you? Who are you investing your time and energy into? What is making you smile? Now … what are you doing about these things? Setting an intention is awesome, but taking positive action – that’s where the magic is. Get on with creating the character, the love, the life you want! It’ll be 2030 before we know it.
As Bill Gates says “Most people overestimate what they can do in one year and underestimate what they can do in ten years.”
Decided to do a throwback to the days of Uni assignments and compare and contrast some schools of thought on procrastination. Here we delve into the science of procrastination and the positive view of it. Weirdly landed in a pretty similar place when all is said and done, so here's a short overview of each, and a wrap up at the end. Enjoy!
Our Brains on Procrastination
Heading into the deep, dark world of scientific research on procrastination, there were some gems to be found.
Eric Jaffe “experts define it as the voluntary delay of some important task that we intend to do, despite knowing that we’ll suffer as a result”
Professor Tim Pychyl, from Carleton University, Ottawa, who has been studying procrastination for the past few decades, believes it is a problem with managing emotions rather than time.
"This study provides physiological evidence of the problem procrastinators have with emotional control," he says.
“In research settings, people who procrastinate have higher levels of stress and lower well-being.”
Joseph Ferrari, a professor of psychology at DePaul University says that while we almost all procrastinate, only about 20% of us are chronic procrastinators, and for those people it’s not about time-management. He says. “As I tell people, to tell the chronic procrastinator to just do it would be like saying to a clinically depressed person, cheer up.”
His work and much of the deep science crew, negate the views of the positive procrastination team below.
In 1997 Dianne Tice and her colleagues developed a scale, model and researched the habits of tertiary students and concluded:
“Procrastinators earned lower grades than other students and reported higher cumulative amounts of stress and illness. True procrastinators didn’t just finish their work later — the quality of it suffered, as did their own well-being.”
There does seem to be a common thread in the science world on this, summed up by psychologist Timothy Pychyl “Emotional regulation, to me, is the real story around procrastination, because to the extent that I can deal with my emotions, I can stay on task”
His work with Sirois blends the short term mood boost from procrastinating with the longer term damage it creates. They say that “procrastinators comfort themselves in the present with the false belief that they’ll be more emotionally equipped to handle a task in the future”.
“The future self becomes the beast of burden for procrastination,” says Sirois. “We’re trying to regulate our current mood and thinking our future self will be in a better state. They’ll be better able to handle feelings of insecurity or frustration with the task. That somehow we’ll develop these miraculous coping skills to deal with these emotions that we just can’t deal with right now.”
Laura Rabin is leading work on connecting our brain’s executive functioning with the emotional work done to date, and while some themes are appearing, there’s more to do. It seems the summary of this type of research is that there are few new areas of focus, which are less about grunt work, less focused on task design, and more about the mental and emotional states we’re in to help us get where we want to be.
It does remind me of the marshmallow experiment where delayed gratification (the ability to wait to obtain something that one wants), was tested. So how do we get ourselves primed for the work, get the work done, get some feel good vibes AND achieve things? Million dollar question here with no clear answer.
What we can do is firstly take responsibility for setting ourselves up for success and for owning our choices. Ultimately delaying is a choice, Starting is a choice. Choose what you want to do!
Piers Steel, a psychologist at the University of Calgary says that we will use a bad task to avoid a really bad task so we can play them off against each other to get through them, although we still need some grunt to do the one we really don’t want to do. Makes sense right – take on the lesser of the two evils?
John Perry calls this “Structured procrastination” and he says:
“At the top of your to-do list, put a couple of daunting, if not impossible, tasks that are vaguely important-sounding (but really aren’t) and seem to have deadlines (but really don’t). Then, farther down the list, include some doable tasks that really matter.”
Which sounds a lot like gaming yourself, or the equivalent of eat your vegetables so you can get dessert?
What if you’re not a ‘to do’ list kind of person? There’s some work from the Procrastination Research Group at Carleton University which is spearheaded by Timothy Pychyl. He writes on Psychology Today’s site about findings from his colleague, Shamarukh Chowdhury’s research on a small sample of a few hundred students.
The data showed that people who are naturally conscientious (one of the big five personality traits, worth a Google to learn more on this too btw), and who normally use to do lists, they’re an effective tool for you. For those that lie more on the side of procrastinate than #GSD, it’s possible conscientiousness is also a little lower and you likely aren’t native list makers, so to get the gears moving, creating the list as the first new habit can be helpful in getting through the things you’re putting off. Interestingly too there is a gender difference in her research, with females creating to-do list more so than males, but Pychyl reminds us that “there is no gender difference in conscientiousness” so all of us can learn to game our day and get writing those lists if we want to try some tactics to beat down procrastination.
Back to Perry though, and important in 2021 as we work during mixed mode times - his research suggest that through more flexible work we’re now procrastinating a lot – 25% of work time, and for students, 1/3 of the time. And apparently men are more likely to procrastinate than women, especially young men. So is this the case where the ‘good girl’ messaging is helping us gain an edge? If all things were equal, then maybe.
Their data also shows that 95% of us do procrastinate. Makes me wonder that instead of structuring our tasks to game ourselves into doing the work, are we really giving ourselves enough creative or down time? I don’t know about you but the great ideas, the solutions I’ve been seeking, or the energy lift I need often come when I am baking lemon slice instead of financial modelling, or when I’m doing a 20 min Zumba class on Youtube. Those a-ha moments or flashes of brilliance rarely come when I force myself to be desk bound or belligerently pushing on and on and on. They come when I’m in flow, or when I’m allowing my brain to do it’s background computational stuff and finding solutions.
So there’s an argument for downtime. There’s also a massive argument for why the traditional industrial era eight hour work day is crap, but that’s not the soapbox I’m climbing on right now. The takeaway here is that perhaps ensuring enough ‘play’ time each day, is actually helpful, knowing when to take a break and putting a time on it might be good, and switch to a low energy task or a creative task can help.
It’s also about locking in the good stuff and doing the things that shift the dial for you, the urgent and important things. If that means creating tricky to do lists, giving yourself a weekly reward for ‘eating the frog first’ each day, or doing only five minute mind breaks every hour (code for social scrolling) helps you create a way to complete what’s needed in a way that doesn’t suck the life outta you, then let’s go!
There’s a tonne of insight from the CA team that argue that procrastination isn’t about time management (although list making etc can help) but it’s more about emotional regulation which is detailed above. Basically, the formula is manage yourself to feel good and get cracking, as when you feel bad, you’re more likely to avoid the stuff that needs to be done and instead find ways to feel good.
Right so that’s the over simplified version of it as I want to wrap this up in case you’re using reading this as a procrastination tactic! Summation of it is that when we feel good, we’re connected to our goals and future, we feel we know the next step or two and we get cracking, we’re onto a winner. If you’re interested in learning more about this, head into the web vortex and search for emotion-regulation strategies, it’s fun!
One final point on procrastinating is that all these experts with the data, the tools, the tricks and the labels, still say the same basic thing for when you’re stuck in the loop …. “just get started”. Take the first step. To quote the great Chinese Philosopher, Lao Tzu “A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step”. This is the most well known part of his quote, but the whole paragraph is really good, and relevant for this topic:
Do the difficult things while they are easy and do the great things while they are small. A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.
Top up the good vibes and then get steppin’!
Anyone else working through Aotearoa’s Level 4 Lockdown Round 2, The 2021 Edition, and struggling to find the motivation to do the things? Here’s where today’s creativity got funnelled – into researching procrastination, what it is, why we do it, and a lot more.
The research started here on Urban Dictionary, which tickled the funny bone …
It then lead into a few other amusing definitions on there, and then eventually took me to a website called procrastination.com, which helped get the focus back to what this researching was all about.
Their ‘in ya face’ definition is the first thing you see …
Trouble persuading yourself to do the things you should do or would like to do.
When you procrastinate, instead of working on important, meaningful tasks, you find yourself performing trivial activities.
= (lat.) belonging to tomorrow
= putting things off intentionally or habitually
Their site is a goodie and really pitches procrastination as the baddie keeping us from living our best lives.
Dramatic! But also insightful and it can be, if we’re allowing it to ride roughshod over how we move through each day.
If you’re someone who’s interested in knowing more about procrastination or working on reducing this then go check out their site. For now, we’re focusing in on how to quickly get a read on your style of procrastination, and how to manage it so it’s not getting in the way of the good stuff, especially now as we could all do with more of good vibes!
Business Insider shares some intel from Aussie ladies Ali Schiller and Marissa Boisvert of Accountability Works, who say there are four types of procrastinator. Below is a wrap up of the four types and my interpretation of how to manage yourself if you identify with one of these types.
They say that there are "four main types of avoidance archetypes, or procrastinators: the performer, the self-deprecator, the overbooker, and the novelty seeker".
“If you want to make an easy job seem mighty hard, just keep putting off doing it.”— Olin Miller
I agree that generally we likely fall into these four categories.
I also think there are just some days where our CBF meter is off the charts and we’re finding everything possible to do other than the things we have on the list.
Dunno about you but some days working from home, my house is cleaner, shinier and better vaccumed than ever as I would rather do that (and I hate vacuuming!) than read a 200 page Board pack, or call that customer. Some days we’re lost in an insta-black hole looking at pics of the babies of the Kardashians (okay this was absolutely me yesterday morning!) as that’s so much more enjoyable than sitting upright dealing with an overloaded inbox. We’re chasing fun, feel good, enjoyment instead of the hard yakka tasks.
This suggests there are a couple of things to consider:
Firstly – how are you REALLY? Some days we do just need a break, we don’t have the fuel to do the work. So we need to stop completely or keep it light. Lockdown has a weird way of affecting us all differently and each day can feel like a whole new range of emotions, so go easy on yourself. We need to tune into ourselves and do what we need to do. It’s okay to take a morning off or a day off.
When did you last have a holiday? Are you struggling with work, study, life or family pressures? If you had a migraine or sprained wrist, you’d rest up and we need to do the same when we’re not feeling great emotionally or mentally too. The cost of not doing that is much bigger and creates long term burnout and damage.
Secondly – if you’re really okay, what’s got you stuck? Is it a case of overwhelm where you don’t know where to start, or the task is massive and overwhelming and you’re stuck, or you’re full of fear and frozen? For all of these, the best course of action is:
1.Brain dump all the worries. Get a new word doc, note or page and write them all down. Big, small and everything in between.
2.Play them out – do the “what if this happens” best case AND worst case.
3.Now get into the details – what needs to happen to get the thing done? List all the actions, sections, tasks, decisions.
4.Choose a task or action that feels interesting or manageable.
6.High five yourself, have a mini dance party, send a hot pic to your partner, stretch, or whatever else feels good.
Thirdly – if you’re feeling okay, you know you just need to get with it, then, sorry fam, it’s about that super unsexy yet important word – discipline. JFDI. (Just &*^%ing do it). Crack on!
Make it fun - if you need with scheduled breaks and rewards, but start and push on for a chunk of time. Maybe it’s a 45 min push and 5 mins of Tiktoks. 120 mins of work then a slow stroll in the sun. Whatever works for you.
The first few minutes of discipline are hard, resisting the urge to move onto something more enjoyable or easier is hard, but that feeling at the end of the day, knowing you’ve done the doing on the right things, that’s so worth it.
“Procrastination is like a credit card: it’s a lot fun until you get the bill.”
Now, that thing you know you’re putting off? Give it your best for the next 30 mins.
J F D I !