Words, Ideas, Stuff
Some ideas and thoughts, captured with the view to help you.
We hear a lot about a fear of failure, but oftentimes, we can also be scared of success. We may not be aware of it either, we're socially bombarded with messages that tell us being successful is amazing. It probably will be, but if it's a new goal, a new area, and requires stepping outside the comfort zone, that fear can fire up. Fear often has to do with worrying about uncertainty, feeling out of control, and wondering 'what will it be like when I've done x, y or z?'.
When you realize you can't answer those questions without doing the actions and starting the journey, and trusting that journey, even if you don’t fully understand what that is, it’s easier to start taking the action needed. You also need to remind yourself that you both deserve and need to be successful and happy.
There are typically three areas of success where that fear hides out so when you know about them, you can do something about them! These three areas are fully credited to 99U.
1. Fear of Not Coping With Success
If you experience doubts, remind yourself of all the extra resources success will bring you:
2. Fear of Selling Out
Firstly, accept that you’ll never please everyone. Backbiting is part of the price of success.
Secondly, make sure you are comfortable with your choices. Make a list of all the things you would consider “selling out,” and which you’re not prepared to do. Then keep the list handy. As long as you don’t do the things on that list, you can look yourself in the mirror. Whatever anyone else says about you.
3. Fear of Becoming Someone Else
Because we habitually put successful people on pedestals, the idea of becoming “one of them” can feel daunting. You start to worry that you’ll turn into someone else, a person your friends and family won’t recognize—and won’t like.
This fear has some foundation in reality. After all, if you were satisfied with the person you are now, why would you want to change? But it’s also founded on a false premise: that change is about leaving your old self behind and replacing it with a completely new one. Change is more complex than that. You are definitely more complex than that.
Here's the old saying - feel the fear and do it anyway! DO IT! You know you want to :)
Tony Robbins' team have written a great post titled:
CEO LESSONS FROM SERENA WILLIAMS
HOW TO APPROACH YOUR BUSINESS LIKE A HIGH-PERFORMANCE ATHLETE
The tips there apply to many more areas than just business. When ever you've pushed yourself to achieve a goal, and you're on the other side of the milestone/event or occasion, take the time to reflect, refine and celebrate. Here's the questions that TR suggests you ask yourself:
Evaluate your successes and failures, and in reliving the game, mentally prepare for the next one.
• If you lost, how will you keep pushing your practices forward?
• If you won, what factors contributed to your success?
• What were the key decisions you made, for better or worse?
• How will you maintain your strengths and build on your weaknesses?
Not only do most people fear having to give feedback, often the thought of receiving feedback causes the same response.
It's not feedback itself that causes the fear, it's our interpretation of it, which is based on the ingrained stories we tell ourselves.
Even the term "constructive feedback" for most people triggers an expectation of negative comments due to the old favourite "constructive criticism". We've all focused on the criticism part, attached a negative experience to it, and now expect the words to flow along with an ego crushing blow.
All feedback should be constructive. That is; delivered with the intent that it may aid the individual to gain insight, new perspective and assist their development.
A powerful way to view feedback is to see all feedback as just that - feedback. It's not good nor bad.
Even feedback with good intent, and from a credible and respected source is still just feedback. It is up to each individual as to what happens next. Take it on board and make changes? Ignore it and do nothing? The best response is always to say "Thank you" and then take some time to reflect.
If the comments don't resonate with you, then a polite thank you is all that's required. If the feedback is not constructive, is negative or designed to be hurtful, don't take it personally, chalk it up to experience and say to yourself "it's all just feedback".
However if the comments delivered do resonate with you or it's from a source you respect, then the best response is to see it as a learning opportunity.
In these situations it is advisable to delve deeper, ask the person questions so as to truly understand their perspective. If you're not sure about how relevant the feedback is or if you want a second opinion then validate it, ask trusted people for their perspective also.
Here are some questions you may wish to use, select the ones most relevant for the situation:
You might wish that to be all it is, you may wish to develop this area, or celebrate the achievement and compliment. Remember that until you decide otherwise, it is all just feedback.